Oh, I have a blog?!?!

In Uncategorized on October 5, 2013 at 10:31 am

I forgot I had a blog. Someone snatched up my dailygaze.com when I didn’t renew but I’ll keep going on this site. Stay tuned.


Here Ends the Eating

In Family Life on May 13, 2011 at 8:39 pm

I think I’ve figured out why Americans eat so much.  We used to have small kitchens that were rooms all by themselves.  They had doors.  No one was allowed to just wander in and happen upon food they didn’t need or really want.  If children came into the kitchen, they would get a chore to do.  So they stayed out and mom got an hour alone without hassle.  Dad came home, sat down and ate whatever he was given.  I can’t imagine my dad coming home from work and fixing himself a piece of bread slathered with butter and whatever meat and cheese he found in the fridge.  He sat down and ate what was on offer and then he played with the kids or read the newspaper or watched Laugh In.  The kitchen was a big mystery to him and he liked it that way.  And mom liked being able to close the door and leave the mess behind so she could enjoy dinner with the family too.

My Dream Kitchen ("Stay Out")

Ok, my childhood kitchen didn’t look like the kitchen in the picture, but it wasn’t very fancy and you sure wouldn’t invite guests to come in to chat during a party.  Now we have eating palaces within our subdivision homes.  Shrines to food.  We say they are open plan so we can all share in the cooking and good times.  Maybe for the first year of your marriage.  Or maybe until the kids are born.  Then moms (working moms and stay at home moms) do all the cooking and no one chats with her except to ask when dinner will be ready.  They can see the food.  They can smell the food.  Food food food.  They want it now!  Out of sight, out of mind though.  My boys can go for 7 hours straight at the local roller coaster park with no food.  Why are they so starving at home when the dinner has only 10 minutes more to cook?  Because they can see it.

Open "Anytime" Plan

And as for parties, how can I pretend that I made the catered food myself if everyone is up in my face in the kitchen?  I want to come swirling out of the kitchen with hot delicious food and have everyone wonder how I manage so well.  So I will propose that we turn our “bonus room” or spare bedroom into the new kitchen and turn the kitchen into the exercise gym.  And when dinner is over, it is over.  THE KITCHEN IS CLOSED is the sign I will put on the (shut) door.  Here ends the eating.

This Post is NOT About Me

In Vanity on April 15, 2011 at 11:11 am

“I’m So Vain, I Probably Think This Post is About Someone Else.” la la la Carly Simon was on NPR the other day and I can’t stop singing all her songs in my head (and out loud when no one is around). My mom used to say I was vain when she found out I was washing my bangs 10 times a day to make them sit right. Called me a powdering, prissy, pom-pom girl and was worried I’d start wearing a pointy bra and run off to join the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. I was raised as a feminist from an early age so I knew she was not being nice. Vain I was. I just can’t seem to shake it and I’m now middle aged. You see, in my head I think I look like this:

Me when I was 17

Problem this week is that someone put a picture of me from a conference on the internet and I ain’t lookin’ so hot. I was captured in deep thought apparently but it just comes off as angry while the cuter than cute blond woman I am sitting next to listens intently like Snow White listened to Grumpy when he was mad. So in fact I actually look like this:

Middle Aged Version of Me

If you have a similar problem, here’s what to do:

  • Get bangs/fringe cut to hide forehead.
  • Wear scarf to hide old lady neck.
  • Wear light pink lipstick at all times.
  • Think of something to be happy about at all times.
  • Don’t engage in deep thought when others can see you.
  • Don’t sit next to cute blond people.
  • Try to be the youngest person in the room or at least stand over with the older ones.
  • Eat less and do more exercise…duh

Were you surprised when you first looked in the mirror and saw your grandmother looking back?