Posts Tagged ‘hairstyles’

This Post is NOT About Me

In Vanity on April 15, 2011 at 11:11 am

“I’m So Vain, I Probably Think This Post is About Someone Else.” la la la Carly Simon was on NPR the other day and I can’t stop singing all her songs in my head (and out loud when no one is around). My mom used to say I was vain when she found out I was washing my bangs 10 times a day to make them sit right. Called me a powdering, prissy, pom-pom girl and was worried I’d start wearing a pointy bra and run off to join the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. I was raised as a feminist from an early age so I knew she was not being nice. Vain I was. I just can’t seem to shake it and I’m now middle aged. You see, in my head I think I look like this:

Me when I was 17

Problem this week is that someone put a picture of me from a conference on the internet and I ain’t lookin’ so hot. I was captured in deep thought apparently but it just comes off as angry while the cuter than cute blond woman I am sitting next to listens intently like Snow White listened to Grumpy when he was mad. So in fact I actually look like this:

Middle Aged Version of Me

If you have a similar problem, here’s what to do:

  • Get bangs/fringe cut to hide forehead.
  • Wear scarf to hide old lady neck.
  • Wear light pink lipstick at all times.
  • Think of something to be happy about at all times.
  • Don’t engage in deep thought when others can see you.
  • Don’t sit next to cute blond people.
  • Try to be the youngest person in the room or at least stand over with the older ones.
  • Eat less and do more exercise…duh

Were you surprised when you first looked in the mirror and saw your grandmother looking back?